Pugilist Issue 2

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Exclusive News

Today an accident did not occur on the M4. A tanker did not crash not spilling it’s load on to the road. There was not a car pile up following the accident that did not occur. There was not a traffic Jam from the accident that did not happen and 17 People were not injured in the accident which didn’t happen nor were any other people hurt. We interviewed a man about the accident which did not occur and he said "You are a bunch of stupid bastards, this isn’t news, this is a pile of old bollocks" So we punched him and ran away before people saw us.

Another major event did not occur today: The world did not blow up today. A spokesman for world stability said that he was very pleased about it. This was the 365th day in 1 year the world had not blown up.

And now for the weather: Today over the country there will not be a heavy thunderstorm, nor will it be very sunny either. Winds will not blow, not reaching up to 100mph. There will not be a patch of dark clouds over the South East. And there will not be any sunny weather in London but there won’t be any clouds or rain over the rest of the country.

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