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Rob and Joel’s Rant and Rave
(Try saying that three times!)
Rob:
And do you think when the woman who came in to do the recording for the announcements said she was sorry, that she was really sorry at the time….. no, she didn’t give a sh*t about us waiting for our late train. All she was concerned about was how much money she was getting for doing the announcements, so it’s not even the recording of a concerned person. Why don’t they just have a recording of someone saying “Your train is 10 minutes late, so bloody get over it, there’s nothing you can do to make it arrive quicker, anyway, you’ve already got a ticket now so you’re buggered now aren’t you, Ha ha ha stupid fools” Joel:
I’ll use an example. I bought a bike rack for the roof, so I could get me bike to university. Now, the rack wasn’t made of titanium, and it didn’t cost as much as a small, yet well furnished Bungalow, but I expected it to be simple, and work. 99% of it was. But that means 1% of it wasn’t, and that meant we wasted a good deal of time being frustrated and injured by this hellish contraption. It all boiled down to one screw that fitted inside a larger knob that meant that the screw could be turned “easily”. Unfortunately, the nut inside the knob just loosely rattled around inside. How could the designer be so stupid as to not have seen this, how could the person in charge of making things be so ignorant as to make the thing?
By the way, it was made by Halford’s, who, despite their new logo, are still the biggest rip-off on the high street. They make absolute junk and sell it at prices so inflated that they make Michael Jackson’s ego look petit. I therefor declare that The Pugilist is boycotting Halford’s until they make things properly. That’ll show them. Matt:
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Have you ever been at a train station and your train is late? Then that tape recording comes on and says “I’m sorry your train is late”, and “I’m sorry for the inconvenience”. If it said “we are sorry” then that would mean that the company was sorry but no “I’m sorry”. How the hell can a tape recording be sorry. How can that be possible, when did P.A. systems suddenly develop feelings, did I miss it!? I guess I’ll go in to the kitchen now and get asked out by the toaster or asked for a bit of space by the Microwave “You use me all the time and never give anything in return and I can’t keep on like that” I suppose it will say.
You know what I hate? Things that are badly made for no reason. Ok, if something’s cheap you can’t expect miracles, but I’m talking about things that are rubbish for no point, where to make the object work would require no extra work at all, just a slightly different design or material. Why are designers so lazy, incompetent or malicious? Surely they all have engineering degrees? And I bet they’re getting paid more than me as well.
Yes I agree. But Let's cut to the chase guys - the real problem in the world is misleading film titles
I recently went to the cinema to see Final Destination 2, which was an average film - not great, but certainly a lot better than most of the crap that's made today. I was there, nibbling away at my popcorn, happily watching a nice young man getting his eyeball impaled by a falling ladder, when I realised something. How can you possibly have a final destination 2? You can't go to the last place you're going to TWICE!!! If they were going to make a sequel, they should have called the first film 'Final Destination?' and its follow-up 'Final Destination? Well you thought so, but no! Owing to the success of the first film, here are some more excessively gruesome shots of decapitation, disembowelment and nostril raping to get your stomach churning/mouth watering'. Fair enough, my idea isn't quite as catchy as the actual title, but at least it wouldn't be so misleading.
Talking of misleading film titles, there have been so many other cases in the past. The Great Escape was deceptively mediocre. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves should have been called 'Snow White and the Seven Old Randy Men'. The Never Ending Story lasted just 94 minutes.
And yet in this age of political correctness, we could not get away with some of the titles we used to call films. Snow White would have to be called 'Snow Ethnically Albino Coloured and the Seven vertically challenged men'. But then this would offend either men, albinos, people afraid of the number 7, or places where there wasn't any snow, so it would have to be called 'Some kind of precipitational Ethnically paler but not albino-like person of the female species with an odd number of slightly shorter, but I'm sure very, very nice, people.'
I think political correctness has gone mad, and I blame the Tories. Hey, the Telegraph is a good paper - you can set fire to it easily. But I think it is time that something was done to curb the increase in political tat out there today.
If I had my way, I would change the titles of many family favourites.
Here's a little quiz I've just written. Can you guess what films these are meant to be?
1) The hideous monstrosity, yes a REALLY UGLY GIT, with a stupid shaped back and a deformed face, of Notre Dame
2) A really attractive young lady and her affair with a buffalo-type thing
3) The kid with the stupidly long nose, so long that kids shout "hey kid with the stupidly long nose, your nose is stupidly long, stupid"
And here are the answers:
1) The Hunchback of Notre Dame
2) Beauty and the Beast
3) Little Neil and his nose of adventure
Wow. Thanks for that guys, I feel a lot better.