Very Grim Fairy Tales
Hello Children, our first story for today is a heart-warming tale about a family of psychotic cannibals. Who live… well I might as well just tell you the whole story.
Once upon a time there were 3 cannibals who lived in a council flat on an enchanted housing estate. There was a mummy cannibal, a Daddy Cannibal, and a baby cannibal. One day they were all having their breakfast (Mr Grimshaw from 32b), baby cannibal said “mummy my Grimshaw is too hot” and mummy and also daddy agreed too. So they all went out to hotwire a car. While they were driving around in an enchanted stolen car, a thief broke in to their house. Her name was Alice, but that’s not very important to the story. She looked around the house for things of value and after stealing the TV and video she looked around and saw the cannibals breakfast. She didn’t eat it, mainly because Mr Grimshaw looked very gristly. Alice was stupid so she decided to go to sleep in the cannibal’s house. She just had to find somewhere suitable to sleep. She looked around and saw Daddy Cannibals bed, so she laid down on it. She was very surprised because it was comfortable and she didn’t have to piss about trying to find a bed like she did in that bloody bears’ house, But that’s another story.
Eventually the car that had been hotwired turned in to a pumpkin at mid-day and so the family went back home. They went in to the house and were quite surprised, as only 2 things had been stolen this time. Who’s been eating my breakfast cried the Daddy. No one said the mummy, you’ve been reading those bloody goldilocks stories again haven’t you? There is something strange though said the mummy, I’m sure when people steal things they remove them from the house and don’t just leave them outside the bedroom. They went in to the bedroom and found Alice on the bed. Alice woke up and realised she was in deep trouble. So she jumped out of the window. Of course she forgot that it was a flat and it was the top floor, so it didn’t help her much. At that point the fairy Godmother turned up waved her magic wand and stopped the story, because the writer ran out of ideas.
The end
Our second story needs no introduction, so I won’t give it one.
Once upon a time there was a girl who lived with her father in a mansion. Her name was Cinderella. The father decided to re-marry and decided to marry a widower with two children, called Anastasia and drucella. The father had an untimely death and so the mother took the fathers fortune. The wicked stepmother showed what she was really like after his death and forced Cinderella to work as a servant whilst the wicked stepmother squandered the family’s fortune on herself and the wicked stepsisters. One day Cinderella went out to the town and decided to pop in to the police station. Cinderella took her wicked stepmother to court, where the wicked stepmother was imprisoned for child abuse. She also had to hand over all of her money for Cinderella’s counselling (I mean, you can’t be sane if you dress up mice). The stepsisters had to move in to rented accommodation and get jobs as toilet cleaners.
The end
To return to the list of articles, click here